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first.
Glenda
Name?
TREVOR
Glenda! It's me! Trevor. Second Monday of every month, I come for my drug
test.
(proudly, as though it's a great honor)
I... am a psychiatric outpatient!
Glenda
Last name?
TREVOR
Hasn't changed in the last six months.
Glenda
If you don't tell me your last name, I can't enter it into the computer. If
I don't enter it into the computer, you won't be assigned a case number. If
you aren't assigned a case number --
TREVOR
(off people)
I'll turn into one of them?
Glenda
They told me their last names. They have case numbers. They are all ahead
of you.
TREVOR
Okay, I see the problem. Clearly, your riding crop has become painfully
lodged in --
Glenda produces a mini-recorder, places it on the counter and CLICKS it on.
WE NOTICE her long fire-engine red, press-on nails.
TREVOR (cont'd)
What's that for?
Glenda
Proof of your rudeness and bad behavior.
TREVOR
(into the mini-recorder)
Send help. This woman is the reincarnation of Heinrich Himmler.
The people in the waiting room BURST into APPLAUSE.
TREVOR (cont'd)
(to them)
Shut up! You don't go "Woo-woo" when I ask, so the hell with you.
Glenda smiles grimly. She's got this sonofabitch nailed.
TREVOR (O.S.)
OUCH!
int. hospital examining room - daY
Trevor, his eyes tightly shut, squirms and recoils as MAGGIE HOLLINGS --
young, impish, cute, a physician's assistant -- swabs his arm with alcohol
in preparation for taking blood. Tacked on the wall behind her, a
collection of postcards -- Van Gogh masterpieces.
MAGGIE
Do we have to go through this every time?
TREVOR
At least scrape the rust off the needle.
MAGGIE
We went out again the other night.
Maggie inserts the needle, but she's said the magic words. His attention is
on her relationship; he doesn't notice the prick. She unwraps the rubber
tubing.
MAGGIE
Dinner. Movie. Music. It was nice.
TREVOR
Helpful hint: this time when you jab the needle in, stop before it comes
out the other side.
MAGGIE
Then, back to my place. Always my place.
(off his arm)
All done. See you next month.
Trevor looks at his arm, shocked to see that she's finished.
TREVOR
You are the Mozart of bloodsuckers.
(then)
Bachelors like the woman's place. It's cleaner and easier to escape.
MAGGIE
Or... what if he's not a bachelor?
Maggie packages up the sample and heads out, Trevor close behind. Before
she exits, she looks in her centrifuge. Inside is a Hershey's Kiss. Maggie
smiles as she pockets the candy.
TREVOR
You're worried he's got another squeeze?
And they move into...
int. hospital hallwAY - DAY
Walking and talking --
MAGGIE
He forgets to call, starts playing his fiddle when we're talking, won't plan
weekends -- and there's that sacred Thursday night poker game.
TREVOR
So, basically, what you're saying is that he's undomesticated?
MAGGIE
It's like he's got a split personality.
TREVOR
So, why are you still with him?
MAGGIE
Because one of the personalities is really sweet: my windshield is clear
every morning, Hershey's Kisses in my centrifuge, fresh strawberries in my
urinalysis kit...
TREVOR
Okay, you don't eat that right?
MAGGIE
And every couple days, he sends me a postcard of a Van Gogh painting.
TREVOR
(disapprovingly)
You like crazy, one-eared Mr. Swirly?
MAGGIE
All these little surprises that say "I love you. I'm thinking of you."
TREVOR
So, to recap, he's perfect except for the fiddle and the card game.
,Maggie smiles, realizing she sounds paranoid.
MAGGIE
You're right. I shouldn't worry. Next thing you know, I'll be believing
the rumors about these "Cupid Cops."
TREVOR
I'm sorry... Cupid what?
MAGGIE
You know, the Love Narcs who make sure nobody rips off a quickie in the
supply room.
TREVOR
(indignant)
That's... that's... against the laws of nature.
And off his stunned expression --
OMITTED
smash to main titles:


end of teaser
act one
fade in:
OMITTED
OMITTED
OMITTED
int. claire's office - day
CLAIRE perches on a corner of her desk as DR. MILTON GREELEY sits reading a
transcript which is clipped onto a bright red folder marked "CONFIDENTIAL."
She is slightly nervous but certain she's right.
DR. GREELEY
(off transcript)
Should I be insulted that you've removed the name of your patient?
CLAIRE
Doctor, patient privilege.
DR. GREELEY
Does not apply here, Claire. I'm your supervising physician.
CLAIRE
You're also the Administrative Head.
DR. GREELEY
Now, don't get mean.
CLAIRE
I wouldn't usually bother you with this, but it's important you see how
company policy has an adverse emotional effect.
DR. GREELEY
He's an employee of the hospital?
CLAIRE
(off transcript)
Page three, line seven, I ask him about that relationship.
DR. GREELEY
(reading)
I'm not certain why...
int. CLAIRE'S OFFICE - DAY (flashback) (intercut as needed)
Claire is now facing an UNSEEN PATIENT. (Dr. Greeley OVERLAPS the dialogue
of the characters in the scene.)
,CLAIRE & DR. GREELEY (V.O.)
... You feel such guilt.
UNSEEN PATIENT & DR. GREELEY (V.O.)
I'm supposed to enforce this policy of discouraging romance in the workplace
and yet I have romantic feelings myself.
int. claire's officE - DAY
Greeley and Claire.
CLAIRE
He's caught between his job and his emotions...
GREELEY
It's a good policy, Claire. It's designed to crack down on sexual
harassment.
CLAIRE
The hospital was slapped with a three million dollar lawsuit and now we're
over-reacting.
GREELEY
How about we talk about your patient and not about hospital policy?
Claire flips pages, and...
CLAIRE (cont'd)
(off transcript)
Fine. Page eight, line seven...
(reading)
int. claire's office - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Claire listens to her Unseen patient... (This time it's CLAIRE doing the
overlapping.)
,UNSEEN PATIENT & CLAIRE (V.O.)
... In the Dunking Booth at the hospital carnival last August, she dunked me
three times. She was just so vivacious. So funny. So energetic. It was
this Shakespearean moment -- love at first sight.
(beat, afraid to admit)
Sometimes I have trouble sleeping so I drive by her house early in the
morning. Clear the ice off her windshield, dig out the snowdrifts...
CLAIRE & CLAIRE (V.O.)
It's not abnormal to be preoccupied in the early days of a relationship.
Claire is full of sympathy for the man.
int. claire's office - DAY
Claire and Dr. Greeley...
DR. GREELEY
Good advice. Why do you need me?
CLAIRE
I don't want to advise an employee to defy company policy.
(off transcript)
Next page, line six.
Greeley flips a page.
DR. GREELEY
(reading)
I'm afraid that...
int. claire's office - DAY (FLASHBACK)
UNSEEN PATIENT & DR. GREELEY (V.O.)
... The Cupid Cops will catch us and one of us will lose our job.
CLAIRE & DR. GREELEY (V.O.)
You believe in the Cupid Cops?
UNSEEN PATIENT & DR. GREELEY (V.O.)
(darkly amused)
Believe in them? Yeah. I'm one of them.
Claire is astounded at this revelation --
INT. claire's office - DAY
Claire faces Dr. Greeley.
CLAIRE
What I need to find out, Milton, is if my client is paranoid or if he's
being ripped apart by a secret policy that's effectively hired him to ruin
his own love life.
,Dr. Greeley stands to leave, obviously troubled himself.
DR. GREELEY
I'll get back to you.
INT. BENDER tAlent AGENCY - DAY
The plush reception area at Chicago's most prestigious agency. CHAMP
enters, looking very Black Urban Professional in a suit and carrying a
briefcase. He strides up to the busy reception desk, shoots his cuffs,
puts his leather briefcase on the desk and opens it with a crisp snap.
Suave. He definitely practiced this at home. He removes a small stack of
8X10 pictures and resumes, as KIKI LABROSSE a seen-it-all-I'm-only-22
Assistant turns to him.
CHAMP
Champ Terrace for Lorna Bender.
KIKI
In the basket.
She points to an in/out basket which contains at least 50 similar pictures
and resumes. Her phone RINGS. Kiki grabs it.
KIKI (cont'd)
Lorna Bender's office.
(listens)
Yes, I'll give her the message.
She hangs up.
CHAMP
I wonder if I might speak to Lorna personally?
KIKI
Do you have an appointment?
CHAMP
(bluffing like crazy)
I'm pretty sure, yes --
Kiki doesn't buy that for a second. BUZZES the intercom.
LORNA (OVER INTERCOM)
Yes?
KIKI
The Milk of Magnesia people decided to go ethnic.
LORNA (OVER INTERCOM)
Ethnic. As in African-American?
KIKI
I guess.
LORNA (OVER INTERCOM)
Tell Armando to make the calls.
KIKI
And, uh... there's one here now.
LORNA (OVER INTERCOM)
One what?
,KIKI
An ethnic man.
Champ doesn't know where to look. A long pause, then...
LORNA (OVER INTERCOM)
Is there an African-American gentleman standing there with you right now?
Kiki looks to Champ, he nods yes.
KIKI
Yes.
LORNA (OVER INTERCOM)
(sweetly)
Kiki, I'm coming out now. Don't be there when I arrive.
Kiki gets up and runs off. Champ prepares himself. The door to the inner
sanctum opens and out steps LORNA BENDER, 30, very attractive and very
successful. She smiles broadly at Champ and offers her hand.
LORNA
I'm Lorna Bender. Is there anything I can do or say now to improve your
opinion of us?
CHAMP
(smiles)
Us meaning "you people" or us, this agency?
Lorna smiles. This is going to be all right.
OMITTED
int. claire's office - night
Claire is packing up to leave as Trevor enters wearing a pair of novelty
eyeglasses with grotesquely hanging eyeballs.
,CLAIRE
This office is closed.
TREVOR
Have you heard about these Cupid Cops? Love Narcs? Romance Rats? Snuggle
Snoops? Kiss Catchers?
CLAIRE
Rumors, Trevor.
JACLYN pokes her head into the office.
JACLYN
Dr. Allen? There's a woman here with a complaint about one of your
patients.
Behind Trevor's back, she indicates that it's Trevor.
TREVOR
Let us review ideal places to meet your soul-mate. One: WORK!
Claire elbows her way by him. Trevor follows.
INT. claire's outer office - NIGHT
Glenda sits demurely on the sofa, clutching her mini-recorder, as Claire,
Trevor and Jaclyn exit Claire's office. As Trevor passes he gives the
glasses to Jaclyn.
TREVOR
You can't be the relationship expert in a hospital that bans relationships.
CLAIRE
(to Glenda)
I'll be with you in one moment...
TREVOR
(to Glenda, startling her)
Schnell! Schnell! Ich Ein Berliner! Liebfraumilch! Gesundheit! Raust!
Raust!
CLAIRE
(to Trevor)
Could we discuss this tomorrow?
TREVOR
I'll drop by your place later.
Glenda's ears perk up. She thumbs the "record" button on her mini-recorder,
unnoticed by any of the others.
CLAIRE
Not tonight. I'm exhausted.
TREVOR
It's not like you ever want to see me at the office.
CLAIRE
I see you in the morning, I see you at night. I wouldn't be surprised if
you popped up in my dreams.
,TREVOR
What'll I be wearing?
CLAIRE
It's interfering with my work. Why don't you let me call you for once?
TREVOR
I'll sit by the phone, one hand on the receiver and the other on my --
(to Glenda, startling her)
Einsterzen Neubaten!
He CLICKS his heels and leaves.
CLAIRE
(to Glenda)
I'm sorry. Can I help you?
Glenda
Oh no, thank you. I'm quite satisfied.
Glenda gets up and leaves.
CLAIRE (cont'd)
(to Jaclyn)
Sometimes I think you and I are the only sane people in this building.
She turns to see Jaclyn staring at her through the novelty glasses. Neither
one of them cracks a smile.
INT. CHAMP & TREVOR'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Champ is practically giddy with excitement. For once Trevor is the more
sedate one.
CHAMP
Lorna Bender! I've been trying to scam my way in to see her for two years!
Lorna Bender! She owns the best casting agency in town.
TREVOR
Ah, yes -- Bender, Over and Polk.
CHAMP
She represents only the A-list and she's a fan of my work.
TREVOR
You mortals are so addicted to external validation.
CHAMP
Right, "us mortals." And all those animal sacrifices in the Temple of
Eros?
TREVOR
Guy can never have too many sheep hearts...
CHAMP
Lorna says I exude authority.
TREVOR
Are you sure she didn't say "nude minority"?
CHAMP
I know it's hard for you to understand, but not everything's about sex.
The phone RINGS. Champ answers.
,CHAMP
Hello?
(then surprised)
Hi. Lorna.
(listens)
Sure. That'd be great. What time?
(jots a note)
I'll be there. Okay. Bye.
He hangs up, looking slightly stunned.
CHAMP
She just asked me out. On a date.
Off Champ, confused. And Trevor smirking.
int. claire's bedroom - day
Claire enters, followed by FRANK CANTOS, intense, sexy, confident and
carrying a large, wooden toolbox. He is as serene as Buddha.
He stops halfway into the room, as Claire proceeds to the corner where the
wall is marked up with color-coded anal retentive little lines. She doesn't
notice he's no longer following.
CLAIRE
Now, the closet door will be here --standard size. These red lines here
indicate...
She looks back over her shoulder and sees Frank wandering about the room,
peeking into corners and squinting at random walls.
CLAIRE (cont'd)
Mr. Cantos?
Frank continues his circuit.
FRANK
Call me Frank.
He looks over, but says nothing and continues his circuit.
CLAIRE (cont'd)
Frank? We're over here.
FRANK
I'm getting the feel of the room.
CLAIRE
Just a plain, old room. Nothing special.
She waits for him to finish, and he sedately wanders over to the patterned
wall, which he regards with some disdain.
CLAIRE (cont'd)
I've marked off --
FRANK
It's gonna take six weeks.
CLAIRE
(astounded)
Six weeks?
(off Frank's nod)
The Hodgins said you were good and fast.
FRANK
I put up a garage for the Hodgins.
CLAIRE
(not understanding)
And that's easier than a closet?
FRANK
You can use power tools for a garage.
CLAIRE
You're not going to use power tools?
FRANK
What kind of doctor are you?
CLAIRE
I'm a psychologist. Now, as I mentioned on the phone --
FRANK
I'm sort of like a psychologist myself.
(off her look
Like people, every room has a distinct personality.
CLAIRE
Except for garages?
Frank thinks Claire has figured things out nicely.
FRANK
Exactly.
(off room)
This is a good space. I'm going to help you unlock its potential.
,CLAIRE
Really? Because I thought you were going to build me a closet.
FRANK
No, I'm going to make you happy.
He smiles at her. He certainly does have blue eyes.
CLAIRE
A closet would make me happy.
FRANK
And that's what you're gonna get.
Claire stops arguing. Maybe it's the eyes.
ext. maggie's house - day
Maggie emerges, bundled up and ready for work. She trudges to her car,
hoping she won't have to wrestle with the scraper and is delighted to find
that once again the job's been done for her.
This is the way to start the morning.
INT. CLAIRE'S outer OFFICE - DAY
Claire enters her office, shedding coat and briefcase, to see Dr. Greeley
standing somberly, waiting.
CLAIRE
Uh-oh, nothing's quite as scary as Milton in the Morning.
DR. GREELEY
I have some difficult news.
(reluctantly)
There have been allegations made to the effect that you may be having... uh,
inappropriate relations with Trevor Hale.
Claire can't believe what she's hearing. She feels her professional life
crumbling around her.
fade out:

END of ACT one
act two
fade in:
INT. claire's office - DAY
Greeley and Claire listen to a tape recorder. With them are two suits:
ANDREW SELL, a laid-back, slightly rumpled romantic type, and TIM DELAUNE,
perfect to the last detail, including a part in his hair straighter than the
straightest thing that ever was straight.
CLAIRE ON RECORDER
Not tonight. I'm exhausted.
TREVOR ON RECORDER
It's not like you ever want to see me at the office.
CLAIRE ON RECORDER
I see you in the morning, I see you at night, I wouldn't be surprised if you
popped up in my dreams.
Greeley looks at Tim. He shuts off the recorder.
CLAIRE
(numbly)
That's not in context.
(regarding Tim and Andrew)
Why are the Human Resources guys here?
tIM
It's a Human Resources issue.
CLAIRE
I'm being fired?
gREELEY
Now, Claire --
Trevor KNOCKS and enters. He's in his bartending apron. He looks like a
keg of Guiness just exploded on him which is exactly what's just happened.
CLAIRE
Trevor, you're late.
TREVOR
Now, Claire, a keg of Irish stout sprung a leak at Taggerty's same time I
got your call.
gREELEY
You managed to get a tap into it?
TREVOR
(guiltily)
Well, that woulda been one way to deal with it.
CLAIRE
(to Greely)
You really think I would have a sexual relationship with this.
GREELEY
Of course I don't.
anDREW
(kindly)
Given the nature of the tape, we're required to investigate your
relationship with Mr. Hale.
Trevor now understands what's going on...
TREVOR
(apologetically)
We got caught because she hollers so loudly when we make love, right? Well,
not to boast, but if you knew the specifics, you wouldn't blame her.
CLAIRE
Trevor --
TREVOR
Claire, you said we could stop hiding our love when --
,CLAIRE
Trevor --
TREVOR
Sweetie, this is such a relief! Now I can shout your name from the
rooftops! My darling. My fertile crescent. My own private Idaho.
No one is amused. Greeley turns to Claire.
DR. GREELEY
During the investigation, Mr. Hale will have to be reassigned to another
therapist.
Trevor is blind-sided by that pronouncement.
TREVOR
But -- but -- but --
CLAIRE
I'm not going to pretend that a little vacation from Trevor wouldn't be
nice.
TREVOR
But -- but -- but --
CLAIRE
While Trevor does his motorboat impression, maybe I can make a couple of
suggestions.
GREELEY
I've already found a volunteer.
Another KNOCK at the door. DR. IAN FRECHETTE enters.
CLAIRE (cont'd)
Oh, no, no, no.
FRECHETTE
Good morning.
GREELEY
Trevor, let me introduce Dr. Ian Frechette.
TREVOR
Dr. Straitjacket? Dr. Thorazine?
(to Claire)
Tell them the truth, Claire!
CLAIRE
I tried.
TREVOR
Okay, joke's over, we're not even friendly. It's a strict no touching zone,
we don't even breathe the same air. Nothing to see here, folks, move along.
Move along.
Frechette smiles. It's too late for that.
FRECHETTE
(to Claire)
I have no doubt these allegations are false, Claire, but I am delighted to
be helping you with Mr. Hale's case.
,TREVOR
Oh, God.
He looks to Claire. She shrugs. It's out of her hands.
INT. human resources office - DAY
Typical shared office space. A VAN GOGH POSTER adorns the wall between the
two desks.
Maggie and Andrew are making out. As they kiss, Andrew backs Maggie into an
ANT FARM, which Andrew catches at the last moment.
ANDREW
Oh, God.
MAGGIE
(throatily)
I know. I know. I know.
ANDREW
I mean Tim's ant farm. Could've infested the whole hospital.
He puts it back as carefully as he can.
MAGGIE
Where were we?
ANDREW
Okay, whoa, time out. What if Tim comes back and catches us?
MAGGIE
Oooo, would he cut off the supply of paperclips?
ANDREW
He'd report us in a heartbeat. He's not a fun guy like me. He takes
everything way too seriously.
(off the ant farm)
He's like an ant.
MAGGIE
He can carry ten times his own body weight?
ANDREW
He's all about regulations. Completely by the book. The man's never missed
a day's work in his life.
Maggie leans toward Andrew when Tim enters...
TIM
What's up?
Andrew just about jumps out of his skin, then freezes in panic.
ANDREW
Uh --
MAGGIE
I came here to ask a question about my health benefits and Mr...?
ANDREW
Sell. Andrew Sell. Ms...?
MAGGIE
Hollings. Maggie Hollings. Well, Mr. Sell and I started discussing
movies.
ANDREW
Miss Hollings suggested that Brad Pitt's Irish accent in --
MAGGIE
"The Devil's Own" was worse than --
ANDREW
Kevin Costner's English accent in "Prince of Thieves."
Tim regards them flatly just long enough for them to think that he doesn't
believe a word they're saying, when --
TIM
What about Sean Connery as a Russian submarine commander?
(imitating Mr. Connery)
Mr. Krepsulov, please inform the Kremlin that the imperialists running dog
lackeys have retreated.
Maggie LAUGHS. Tim smiles, his facade cracking for just a moment.
MAGGIE
Well, I gotta --
Maggie nods politely at Tim, grimaces at Andrew behind Tim's back and takes
her leave. Tim watches her go.
TIM
My name's Tim Delaune, by the way --
But she's gone. Too late.
ANDREW
You weren't coming onto her there, were you Tim?
Tim sits at his desk and starts to work. Andrew sits at his desk and starts
playing with a slinky.
int. frechette's office - day
Frechette works at his desk when suddenly a paperclip whizzes past his ear,
knocking a mini Wagner bust off of Frechette's computer monitor. Frechette
doesn't even look up.
frechette
I suppose it was your marksmanship that charmed Dr. Allen? Please sit
down.
Trevor enters and peruses Frechette's belongings. Frechette's office is...
Wagnerian. Heavy, serious, slightly fascist and humorless. Trevor roams.
TREVOR
Very homey place, if you're a Spartan.
frechette
I did agree not to alter Dr. Allen's course of treatment, such as it is.
Nevertheless, I am not Dr. Allen, Trevor.
,trevor
Really? Because I know Claire Allen. I've worked with Claire Allen. And...
Ian Frechette...
(eyes him; shrugs)
... you could pass.
frechette
Once again, please sit down.
Trevor picks up the Wagner bust, and holding it in front of his face, BELTS
OUT a bit of faux Wagnerian Opera at full volume. "Kill De Wabbit! Kill de
Wabbit!"
Frechette flips through Trevor's file.
frechette
So, you believe that for each couple you match up, you will win a bead?
(off Trevor's shrug)
And when you receive a hundred such beads, you will magically transport back
to Olympus to resume your life of leisure.
TREVOR
Correct -- except there's no magic. An invisible fiery chariot will simply
pick me up at Division and Wacker.
frechette
I don't think you understand, Trevor.
trevor
But if I don't understand Trevor, who will?
frechette
(calm as a lake)
I agreed to keep you off medication and off the psychiatric ward sheerly out
of professional courtesy. But if you don't sit down, right now, in that
chair, I will amend your treatment as I see fit.
,Trevor hears the steel in Frechette and stops moving.
frechette (cont'd)
We will begin by talking about your earliest memories --
trevor
I'm over three thousand-years-old. I hope you have a lot of time.
frechette
As a matter-of-fact, I do not. So, if necessary, we will find ways to
streamline the process. Electroshock comes to mind.
A moment, and Trevor makes his decision. He quickly stretches out on the
couch. Frechette is pleased. He smiles and makes a note.
OMITTED
INT. CHAMP & TREVOR'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Trevor is searching for something. He's poking around under the sink, in
the fridge, through the garbage. He's wearing a baseball cap that Mr. Zippy
Pizza. Champ enters.
TREVOR
Welcome home from your date. You and Lorna Doone what I think you been
doone?
CHAMP
We went out and had a nice time.
TREVOR
You do a killer "naive."
CHAMP
We barely talked about work.
Champ observes Trevor curiously. Trevor is now looking under the couch
cushions.
TREVOR
So riddle me this, Bachelorman: would you have asked her out if she hadn't
asked you first?
CHAMP
No.
TREVOR
Because...
CHAMP
I wouldn't want her to think I was using her to get work.
TREVOR
And you don't think she's capable of using work to get you?
CHAMP
(troubled)
She did insist on paying for dinner.
(off Trevor's odd behavior)
I'm pretty sure I'm going to regret asking this, but -- what the hell are
you doing?
TREVOR
Earning a bead. Trying to get home. That pizza we had delivered last night
-- where's the box?
CHAMP
The pizza I had delivered?
TREVOR
Details.
Champ begins walking towards Trevor's bedroom.
cHAMP
Dare I ask what it's for?
TREVOR
If I can prove to this amazing nurse down at the hospital that her boyfriend
isn't married, that poker night isn't code for poke-her night, she'll commit
to him. There's my bead.
Champ gets down on his hands and knees and pulls a pizza box out from under
Trevor's bed.
cHAMP
And you need a pizza box to do it?
TREVOR
Yep.
Champ pulls out another box, and another...
chAMP (cont'd)
There you go. Save two more relationships.
EXT. ANDREW'S PLACE - NIGHT
Trevor comes up the porch looking very much like a pizza delivery guy. He
knocks. And waits. No response, but he hears the sound of conversation and
laughter from inside.
Spotting the window beside the door, he stretches to look in, but can't
quite see. Standing up on the railing, and grabbing the window frame, he
can lean out a little further, and finally gets a peek inside.
,angle - Andrew & an attractive blonde
sitting on the floor at the coffee table drinking white wine. Although not
overtly romantic, it certainly isn't poker with the guys.
Just before he loses his footing and tumbles into the bushes, Trevor
realizes Maggie's in a world of trouble.
fade out:

end of act two
Act three
fade in:
int. hospital reception area - day
Glenda sits at her desk, needlessly harassing the person at the head of a
long line. Trevor enters, doesn't even glance at the admit desk. Heads
straight back to Maggie's workstation. Glenda notices. She's irked.
Glenda
Hey! You can't go back there!
Trevor doesn't slow. He holds up a beaker of amber liquid.
TREVOR
Just dropping off a sample, Frau Blucha, won't be a minute.
She starts to get up, but THE MAN at the front of the line shoves a sheaf of
papers under her nose. Glenda sits, and, still glaring in Trevor's
direction, starts blindly stamping the forms.
int. hospital hallway - day
Trevor approaches Maggie's area. The bearer of bad news, he's not his usual
jovial self. Maggie emerges just as he arrives, carrying several hospitally
items. She's happy to see him.
MAGGIE
Yeah, I've seen it before. First they're afraid of needles, then they start
to like it.
She keeps walking, and Trevor follows.
MAGGIE (cont'd)
(off the sample)
And by the way, I take blood. That you can keep.
,TREVOR
It's apple juice. To get by Colonel Klink.
MAGGIE
I'm sorry, you're scheduled for one blood test a month and that's all you're
getting.
TREVOR
Maggie, I went by Andrew's house last night.
MAGGIE
Ah, poker night. How'd you do?
TREVOR
There wasn't any poker game.
A beat as this sinks in.
MAGGIE
And lemme guess, he wasn't alone?
Trevor winces and shakes his head. Maggie tries to hide the pain she's
feeling without much effect.
MAGGIE (cont'd)
See, the rules are there for a reason. Fishing off the company pier
anything you catch, you're gonna have to throw back.
And a movement catches her eye. She looks down the hall, causing Trevor to
look as well...
REVEAL - Glenda
who has obviously heard this last bit of crucial information, and she's damn
pleased about it. Trevor salutes her with his "sample." Then he chugs it.
TREVOR
Waste not; want not.
Off Glenda's look of disgust...
int. HUMAN RESOURCES OFFICE - day
Glenda barges in, about ready to bust. Andrew and Tim look up from their
desks, unimpressed by her enthusiasm.
ANDREW
Oh, boy, here we go again.
Glenda
You know sometimes I question your dedication to our job.
TIM
Our job? You're a receptionist.
GLenda
You know my goal is to work in Human Resources. That's where the action is.
What's happening with the Dr. Allen case?
TIM
Unfortunately, we are unable to comment on ongoing inquiries.
ANDREW
So, unless you have something new...
,Glenda
Maggie Hollings is dating someone at the hospital.
Andrew is shocked into silence. Tim takes the info in stride.
TIM
Do you have any proof?
Glenda
She admitted it right to my face. Almost.
ANDREW
What about a name?
Glenda
No.
(off their disinterest)
But you have to look into it.
Tim ushers Glenda toward the door.
TIM
If you're going to work in Human Resources, Glenda, you have to understand
that gossip isn't proof. You're Doctor Allen tape isn't even holding up.
GLenda
Then I'll get proof.
As she leaves. Tim and Andrew share an exasperated look.
int. claire's office - day
Claire returns to her office, her chair spins around, courtesy of its
occupant: Trevor (wearing her glasses.)
trEVOR
(sounding very Dr. Ruth)
Zis envy you haf for da mens. Eet eez healthy and perfectly natural.
,CLAIRE
Get out of here!
TREVOR
(as if this makes it okay)
But I'm here with an idea. Matchmaking in Chicago in winter -- too many
layers of clothes. What I'm thinking is by relocating to Club Med, flying
south for the winter, all those oiled, nearly naked bodies --
CLAIRE
(the nerve!)
I'm being investigated for my relationship with you, and you're suggesting
we hop a plane to Club Med?
TREVOR
Okay, you can come, too. It'll be fun! We'll swim, rub lotion on each
other, get a tan, rub lotion on each other, drink Mai-Tais, rub lotion on
each other.
Not missing a beat, Claire throws her hands up in the air and backs out of
the office.
CLAIRE
(yelling)
Jaclyn! Jaclyn!
Claire flees. Trevor follows.
int. claire's reception area - continuous
Jaclyn looks up.
TREVOR
You'll have to pay, though. I'm tap city.
CLAIRE
I am not talking to this man because I am being investigated for improper
conduct and I don't want to lose my career.
JACLYN
Can I talk to him?
CLAIRE
Let me just say that if I had it all to do over again, I'd avoid him.
TREVOR
You miss me.
CLAIRE
(to Jaclyn)
He's a child. He has no understanding of what damage he did by
corroborating the charges against me.
TREVOR
I'm sorry.
Claire and Jaclyn regard each other in shock.
CLAIRE
Did he say...?
JACLYN
Yes.
TREVOR
I'm in Claire withdrawal. Give me a quick fix. Anything! A stinging
retort! A withering look!
,Claire provides the withering look without eve

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